The X-Rated Macaw

We got Alex when he was about 9 years old. You never know what they'll say, if anything. I had been told that he was an excellent talker, even alerted to the fact that he was known to drop an F-bomb now and again. That didn’t bother me; I was used to it from years of working with factory people. The fact is, I drop a few myself.

We were actually amazed at his vocabulary. I knew that macaws talked, but this one rivals, or may even exceed the grey in the vast amount of things he says. He had been with us just over a month – it was the first warm day in May and we had all the windows open. I was cleaning up after dinner and Mark was upstairs in the bird room washing veggies. One of Alex’s favorite things to do is argue. He gets very excited when he hears a raised voice, and Mark likes to get him going. They had exchanged a few words when I heard Alex say slowly, in a very loud and extremely clear woman’s voice: "I DO NOT GIVE A F*CK.” My eyes grew large as I looked towards the stairs. He continued: ”I AM NOT LEAVING THIS HOUSE, AND I DON’T WANT TO FIGHT ABOUT IT.” Oh good Lord, I thought – the neighbors are going to think that’s me! I yelled quietly up the stairs “Mark – shut the windows!!”

We found that a lot of the things Alex said when he first came to us were extremely negative. These included: ”Bad bird, That’s bad, Shut up, Can’t I get any quiet?, Do you want me to get the hose?, What is your problem? Elliot – NO, Stop it, Oh God, The problem is the aluminum”, and my personal favorite: “The problem is that f*cking neighbor, Albert!” Thank God we have no neighbors that I know of named Albert.

I also quickly discovered that Alex was terrified of mops. I have to cover his cage completely when I mop the bird room or he freaks out. When he’s on the T-stand in the TV room and there’s a mop commercial on he will fly out of the room. (No, I do not clip his wings. I will discuss why in a future post.) I think maybe someone used to strike his cage with a mop to try to shut him up. Most of his vocabulary had something to do with being quiet. A macaw’s screams are very loud. Alex will scream 4 or 5 times, then tell himself to be quiet. It can be annoying, but some screaming is expected and should be allowed. Heck, birds are noisy – not all the time, but they are. They can be sitting quietly in their cages when the phone rings. As soon as you answer it they start, exactly like kids will. I always have to shut the bird room door when I’m on the phone. Yelling at a bird to shut up doesn’t work. They love drama and a raised voice from you is just what they’re after.

Cathy